The Five Types of Lilies
by Sadistic Shroom
Summary: Lily Luna Potter doesn't feel. At least, not anymore. Scorpius/Lily Scorpius/Rose


**The Five Types of Lilies**

Lily doesn't feel.

She doesn't know if it's a combination of a life broken and hallow or if the capacity to feel nothing was always there. Hiding in plain sight-had she deluded herself along with everyone else for so long?

Lily doesn't feel.

Lily tells herself she doesn't love him.

She nearly has herself convinced too, but sometimes, his hand lingers on the door, and he'll maybe glance over his shoulder at her.

Her heart constricts, and she reminds herself why she doesn't.

Lily Luna isn't in love with Scorpius Malfoy.

She doesn't love anyone.

...

It started when she was young.

Al had drug this shaky Pureblood into the Potter home, looking like he'd lived off of fish food his whole life.

Scorpius Malfoy looked like death.

His eyes where as blue as the sky right before a bad storm, rimmed red and had the glassy sheen one only took on when sick.

His skin looked like a sheet of the blank paper Lily's aunt Hermione gave her to draw on, his nose the only thing holding any colour, a pink that reminded Lily of the strawberries she and her brother's picked during the summer.

His hair was like duck fluff, and about as white as snow.

He introduced himself with a prim posture, his voice firm for someone who looked like he would keel over at any moment.

Lily had looked to her mother then, and asked intrusively, tugging on her mother's sleeve, "Mummy, is he going to die?"

Ginny shushed her, greeting Scorpius warmly and offering some tea. Scorpius accepted graciously, pulling off his mittens and heavy coat.

Lily watched him with interest, her red curls acting as a screen of privacy as she silently watched him from the supper table, speaking with Al quietly.

Al stopped talking around the same time Lily's mum called her name, causing Scorpius to look at her for the first time.

He smiled, his lips pressing together and twisting up in a forced way that simply screamed deceit as he greeted her politely, introducing himself once more.

Albus didn't notice.

Lily's eyes narrowed, and she pushed herself out of her chair, informing him in her best authoritative voice, "Listen here, Malfoy. I don't know what you're planning, or why, but get one thing straight, nobody-and I mean nobody, messes with my family and gets away with it."

It was probably quite a site, a frail, bug eyed, freckle faced, ten year old puffing her chest out as she basically told the Malfoy heir to 'fuck off'.

Harry was instantly on her and dragged her from the room, apologising to Malfoy.

Then he unleashed the wrath Lily Luna was glad was often placed on James or Al.

"Lily Luna Potter-I am completely humiliated! if I so much as hear you speak to a guest of ours that way again, you will never so much as set foot in Hogwarts!"

Harry stormed away after that, grumbling something about 'sounding humiliatingly like Molly' that Lily didn't quite understand.

Her cousin Molly was quite nice and in all her years, Lily could never remember Molly getting flustered or even raise her voice above the soft tenor her voice stayed at.

So, Lily walked back into the kitchen, glared at Scorpius and vowed to extract revenge at a later time.

She didn't get him back until she was 12.

...

It came as little surprise when Lily was placed in Slytherin.

Her Uncle Ron teased her mercilessly about it, but she wasn't particularly alienated by her family either.

It also allowed her to bond with her cousin Dominique, who'd been put in the house a few years prior.

Lily didn't care about any of that though, her sole focus on one Scorpius Malfoy.

Malfoy looked about the same, albeit his skin wasn't pasty white and his eyes didn't look so dead. His hair remained the comforting duck fluff Lily had grown used too from the previous encounters they'd had over the rest of winter, and a few awkward passes during the summer.

Lily Luna had grown to hate the way it stood up at strange, random angles.

Her planning in getting him back for whatever it was he was planning had yet to actually get anywhere, but Lily expected to make great progress now that she actively had a wand she could use.

She'd debated for a while just going with Dominique's suggestion of hexing him a few times, but decided something more permanent would be better.

She wasn't exactly looking to seriously maim him or anything, but some disfiguration wouldn't be too bad, in her opinion.

Thus Lily turned to Muggle prank ideas.

She finally settled on public embarrassment by the end of her first year.

Nearing spring saw Dominique and Lily in the library more often than naught, researching spells late into the night, until Madame Pince kicked them out or a Perfect told them to leave.

Lily considered turning his hair pink, while Dominique thought charming his robes to play mariachi music whenever her jostled them would work sufficiently, but Lily ultimately decided that if would be too easy to fix, and she wanted something that would last a tad bit longer.

The idea to replace his robes Gryffindor ones was her Uncle George's, who made her swear not to tell a soul it was his idea. Lily agreed and quickly set about replacing every single one of his clothes into the house of the lion.

She even went as far as to place a charm on him that turned everything he touched gold and red.

Lily was happy to say all was going well, until Scorpius found out it was her.

Dominique got off unscathed, managing to completely avoid the following events.

To get Lily back, Scorpius hugged her, then gave her a peck.

The blotchy, gold and red on her skin was enough to amuse the Slytherin house for a total of two weeks-long after Lily had actually gotten rid of the effects.

Scorpius was particularly bitter towards her, glaring and occasionally making a snide remark.

Lily was certain he would have continued, had Al not told him to bugger off.

Scorpius pretty much ignored her after Al defended her.

Lily still didn't like him, and now at least Scorpius was showing the same emotions.

...

In her Fifth year, Rose decided she was in love with Scorpius Malfoy.

Lily thought it was a load of raging bullshit, but Albus and Hugo supported her.

James seemed a bit too preoccupied with his new girlfriend of the month, and Lily wasn't sure where he stood on the subject.

Dominique had rolled her eyes at Rose's bold proclamation-since Rose had been sorted into Ravenclaw, she' had such a stick rammed up her arse it was embarrassing.

Scorpius Malfoy didn't date girls like that.

That was why, when need came 'round to the pair that Rose and Scorpius had been snogging in the Quidditch broom closet, Lily had choked on her pumpkin juice.

A part of Lily could see it. Rose was beautiful in her own way, with spiral curls that matched her mother's in shape, and a hue that was commonly associated with the Potter/Weasley clan, Rose's hair was considered her worst quality.

And that was saying something.

Rose was probably the most beautiful witch Lily'd ever seen (other than her aunt Fleur and part-veela cousins, but that didn't count), her eyes where a rich brown, her nose straight, her skin creamy, and her lips plum.

Compared to Lily's tangled curls and boring hazel eyes, Lily was at best cute.

Her face was round, and calling it heart shaped was being generous. Her lips where mashed in a permanent pout, and her eyes where round and accented by blonde eyelashes. Freckles also covered every inch of her skin.

Lily felt like a Rafflesia, compared to a Centifolia Rose.

Dominique told her to get over it, that Rose really wasn't that pretty. Lily knew better than that.

...

Scorpius earned the name 'Duck-Fluff' from Lily when she realized his hair wasn't going to change, and he would look like something from a bad Muggle book for the rest of his life.

His relationship with her family continued to get better, and it was one afternoon when Lily was 15 that she realised Rose didn't love him.

Scorpius of course treated her like sunshine shot out of her arse, and that she was so extrodinary and not at all pompous.

It made Lily's teeth ache.

Despite herself, Lily pulled him aside and told him blandly, "Rose doesn't love you."

Scorpius sighed, looking around before he explained, "I know."

He walked away, and Lily couldn't bring herself to tear her eyes away.

...

The first time he kissed her was something she remembered as an accident.

She'd found her arms wound around him, his face inches from hers. It was easy, and Lily hated herself for thinking it felt nice.

She yanked herself away, her thoughts spiralling back to her boyfriend, Lysander.

Lily looked at Scorpius, her breathing heavily and her lipstick smeared-he seemed to be about as flustered as she felt. His duck fluff hair messy from where she'd run her hands through it, his lips red from her lipstick.

"I-I have to go," she stumbled out, running to her room.

...

The deception that came with having an affair was something that made Lily Luna feel sick to her stomach.

Rose remained oblivious to the fact that her cousin and beloved boyfriend where snogging behind her back.

Whispering things more intimate than Rose had ever experience with him.

It progressed almost slower than a normal relationship, but quicker at the same time.

They had an unspoken vow to treat each other the same in public, and if was only once that Scorpius made the mistake of getting too cocky.

He pulled Lily into an empty classroom, kissing her before the door fully closed.

It was Al that saw them.

He hadn't yelled like Lily expected him too, he hadn't said anything. He just looked at them with a sort of disappointment, the silent threat that they needed to stop or he'd tell Rose looming over their heads.

Lily decided she wouldn't return to Hogwarts the next year.

...

The invitation to their wedding came as more of an acknowledgement that Rose had won for Lily.

While her family celebrated and offered congratulations, Lily longed to drag herself back to France, the place she'd taken residence in after graduating Hogwarts.

She avoided her family-pretending that she didn't notice the lack of letters or the empty promises to floo her home over the holidays.

Lily never said anything.

She arrived towards the end, fabricating a lie about why she missed the actual ceremony, everyone bought it, though she could feel Al's lingering gaze on her back, and she distantly wondered if he'd say anything.

Scorpius had looked at her, his eyes looking as blue as the day she'd met him, just as intense.

He didn't bother to fake a smile, and when Lily turned away from the crowd, his fingers wrapped around her robe, and Lily knew she'd be seeing him later that night.

That night was the first time he said it, gasped it really, his eyes locked on hers as he fell on top of her, the sheets tangled around their bodies.

Lily cried.

...

Lily Luna doesn't love Scorpius Malfoy.

But sometimes, when his arms are wrapped so tightly around her she feel like she can't breathe, her face pressed against his chest and his head is buried in her hair, she thinks, that she could, just for a little while.

Then he gets up, and starts pulling on his clothes.

And Lily remembers.

...

Scorpius always leaves.

Lily's grown used to it, and had come to accept that part of their relationship.

He never spoke to her after, and Lily suspected that was the guilt gnawing at him.

He'd get dressed and return home to Rose without a word, and Lily would lay in bed for hours, wondering if he'd come back.

He always did.

...

_"I can't do this anymore."_

Lily hadn't cried. She hadn't said anything.

Because Lily Luna Potter didn't feel.

At least, not anymore.


End file.
